Archive for October, 2011


Prophecy !!

YEAR  1981

1. PRINCE CHARLES GOT MARRIED.

2. LIVERPOOL CROWNED CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE.

3. AUSTRALIA LOST THE ASHES.

4. POPE DIED.


YEAR    2005

1. PRINCE CHARLES GOT MARRIED.

2. LIVERPOOL CROWNED CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE.

3. AUSTRALIA LOST THE ASHES.

4. POPE DIED.

PS ~ IN FUTURE, IF PRINCE CHARLES DECIDES TO RE-MARRY … PLEASE WARN THE POPE !!!!!!  😀

The Ostrich Story

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

The man says,”A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress.. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, But you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!” “That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.

 

😀

A company called Arch Group makes portable boxes for sleeping. The company believes that there are too few facilities for resting and relaxation in modern cities. Therefore, its mission is to make urban space more comfortable for people. Sleepbox is one of the projects of the company. Sleepbox is designed to be placed in train stations, shopping centers, airports and waiting areas. People should be able to relax after long journeys or catch up with sleep in the sleepbox.

The Idea has really been liked by many people. I hope,someday this facility will become as popular and accessible as public toilets.

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors; Green,Red, Orange, Blue, and Yellow. The old man just stared and stared. Everytime the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, “Got drunk once and had made love with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son.”

People often wonder why call centre workers are paid so much [that too, for just being on the phone !!]
Here’s why 😀

 

Tech Support Officer (TSO) : “I need you to right-click on the Desktop”
Customer : “Ok”
TSO : Did you get a pop-up menu ?
Cust: No
TSO : Okay, Right Click again. Do u see a pop-up menu.
Cust: No
TSO : Okay sir, can you tell me what have you done until now ?
Cust: Sure, you told me to Write CLICK and I wrote CLICK

 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

::  TSO : In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the OK button ?
Cust: Wow !! How can you see my computer ?

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:: TSO : What type of computer do you have ?
Cust : A white one !!

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:: Cust : I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting the same error message.
TSO : Did you install the update?
Cust: No. Oh, am I supposed to install it ?
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::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Cust: Do I need a computer to use your software?
TSO : #$*%#
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

::  Cust: I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word
TSO : Tell me what you’ve done.
Cust: I typed ‘A:SETUP’.
TSO : Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.
Cust: It says ‘Microsoft Restore and Recovery disk’
TSO : Insert the MS Word setup disk
Cust: What ?!!
TSO : Did you buy MS word?
Cust: No

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:: TSO : What’s on your screen right now ?
Cust: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Cust : My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.

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:: Cust : I have Microsoft Exploder
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:: Cust: You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.
TSO : What does it say?
Cust: Something about an error and non-system disk
TSO : Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?
Cust: No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.

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And, finally comes the hilarious of all 😀

:: A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this computer is faulty.
TSO : What’s the problem ?
Cust: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
TSO: You’ll need a new power supply.
Cust: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
TSO : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
Cust: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the Customer is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

TSO : Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Cust: {Happily} I knew it !
TSO : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later …

Cust: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
TSO : Well, what version of DOS are you using ?
Cust: MS-DOS 6.22
TSO : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later …

Cust: I need a new power supply.
TSO : How did you come to that conclusion ?
Cust: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
TSO : Then what did he say ?
Cust: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE. 😀

Here’s another Original & Uncut email conversation from Craigslist. Craigslist is an online community for free classified advertisements for sales/services/jobs etc. Due to its originality, the ‘swear’ words haven’t been removed. So please do not take them in the offensive. I hope you enjoy reading it 😀

Original ad:
I want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. I always run better if I can keep the pace with someone else as I am sure other fellow runners know. I only work afternoons so I can run during the morning or night, doesnt matter much to me. Shoot me an email if you want to be running partners.

 

From Me to *************@*******.org:

Dear New Running Partner,

Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any.

Run with you soon,

Wuemeka

 

From Steve ***** to Me:

Wow man! Are you for real? Theres no frickin way I can run a 4 minute mile !!!!!!!

 

From Me to Steve *****::

Dear Steve,

I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound?

Warm regards,

Wuemeka

 

From Steve ***** to Me:

HAH! dude I can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. Thats it. I’m not training for the freaking Olympics here…

 

From Me to Steve *****::

Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!

Good day to you,

Wuemeka

 

From Steve ***** to Me:

Yeah well this isnt Africa, this is PHILLY. We have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. Come on man are you stupid?

 

From Me to Steve *****::

I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya – KUMAMAKO!

 

From Steve ***** to Me:

Leave me the fuck alone jumanji !!!!!

 

😀

New York artist Aram Bartholl decided to create the world’s first offline file-sharing network. He runs this project by embedding USB memory sticks into walls and curbs around New York City. Anyone can upload and download data into their laptops from any USB hub they find.
This process is called “Dead Drop

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Here‘s  a way of how you can make your own dead drop.

Courtesy : [Link]

 

Rebecca Black, shot to stardom with her 2011 single “Friday”. Although, the music video garnered some million hits, it is more known for the number of dislikes rather than the likes it gained on Youtube. As such, many parodies came up attacking the video. I especially liked this parody called “Braaiday” that was done to commemorate South Africa’s National Braai Day, held 24th September every year.

Here’s the Parody :

And, here’s the Rebecca Black’s Original “Friday” version :